Friday, October 31, 2003

Razed in Black RAWKED. I danced so long and hard, I'm surprised I'm still ambulatory. They are Industrial, just the way I like it: fast, hard, crunchy, and danceable. At their worst, they are derivative of NIN, but also sound a lot like Fear Factory. I was liking it a lot. I was also liking the cute lanky young men who were into it, thrashing about on the dance floor. I was not so much thrashing as I was undulating, but that's just me. I was not so impressed with the other bands--they were good but not my cup o'tea. Psyche was good danceable music. Oneroid Psychosis might be good atmospheric music for listening at home, but was a little boring and slow-paced for the club. They reminded me a little of Godflesh. Turn Pale was punk-like, and the singer reminded me a little of John Lydon, but did not appeal to me. Anyway, I had fun. I met some new people, talked to some people again that I recently met at Ceremony (goth night @Upstage), bought some rings and some fun fake hair from the vendors there. Going out somewhere, by yourself, not knowing who else is going to be there, is a lot different than going somewhere with friends or where you will know everyone. There is an unpredictable quality. You never know what might happen, who you might meet, etc. It could be fun, it could be boring. It's also nice to spend quality time with friends;-)

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Another one of those silly quizzes, and this time I tested out as Luke Skywalker. Go figure.

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Okay, so maybe I'm going through a vanity phase right now. After so many years of not liking myself, I can finally look at myself in the mirror, even while nude, and appreciate what I see there, for the first time in umpteen years. No wonder I may seem full of myself and I have fantasies about becoming an exotic dancer (I didn't just say that!). Just let me get used to this; get comfortable in my own skin again. I'm not used to being what a lot of folks would consider "hot," and I never knew how to handle a compliment. Anyway, I'm getting to be more comfortable at home alone. Last Sunday was the first day in a while that I felt "normal" being by myself. Just in time to be getting new roommates. Yes, some very dear friends are moving in this week to help me pay the bills and keep me company. It seemed a shame to live in such a big house all by myself. It also forced me to throw out a lot of stuff that I DONT NEED. I spent most of last weekend trying to clear space in my house for the new roomies. I ended up making a huge trash pile on the front porch. Some of the stuff was mine from BC. I had a nostalgic time going through letters from old boyfriends and other remembrances. I couldn't even remember some of these people whose letters I had saved. Does memory fade so fast? At least I was able to consolidate some of my "nostalgia" down from maybe about 4 boxes to 2--it all has to fit into my closet now. Oh, and tape cassettes--I uncovered a time-capsule, a veritable treasure trove--of tape cassettes that I made during the early 90s, from when I was a DJ.

Thursday, Oct. 30, going to Masquerade 7. Methinks I will give the devil costume a rest on Devil's night and pull out the spiderweb bodystocking instead...

Monday, October 27, 2003

This one was taken by Russ at

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Had a weekend...firstly, TSN and the Cruxshadows were awesome at the Upstage. The show was well-attended and I thoroughly enjoyed the performances. I hung around at Ceremony afterwards and actually got to meet some new people! Woohoo! But, didn't stay long because I was invited to a costume party. That was nice--a small quiet party but good conversation with friends. So here's the mug shot:

Aw...don't I look EVIL?!!! Mwahahahaha...

Friday, October 24, 2003

Okay, so that part about "guys not calling me back" is slightly inaccurate;-)

Thursday, October 23, 2003

A few reasons to celebrate today, one of which is that I achieved my weight goal (134 lbs.)!!! It took 9 months. I lost 45 lbs. Yes I'm proud. Here is my plug for WeightWatchers.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Re: dating, or "on Being a Strange Fish in a Small Pond..." I have decided that I am not going to do commitment or exclusivity with anyone for a while. Of course that does not mean I wish to live as an ascetic monk or anything like that. On the contrary, I am always on the look out for potential "date" material. It's not going so well but I haven't given it much of a chance yet. I've been noticing some unfortunate trends in my effort to meet new people: 1) Pittsburgh is a small town. I already know everyone. 2) Whenever a guy approaches me and asks for my number, I usually DO NOT want to give it to him for various reasons (he is unattractive, he creeps me out, etc.) 3) Whenever I voluntarily give my number to someone, he doesn't call me back, or at least I haven't heard from anyone yet. It's a bit discouraging. And, you would think that an attractive redhead, who is NOT looking for a long-term relationship, would have to fend them off with a stick.

BTW, I will be going to see Thou Shalt Not and Cruxshadows at the Upstage (note that show starts at 6:30 pm !!!) on Saturday, Oct. 25. I will be dressed entirely in RED and I should be a little hard to miss.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Took another one of those silly quizzes today and guess which Goth band I am:

you are what's considered a classic goth. Your
lyrics are depressing and wordy. You have a
lot to say and know how to say it.

Which Goth band are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

I saw Noche Flamenca last Friday, and they were beyond awesome. I've seen flamenco dancing before, but this troupe was beyond compare.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Oh boy, was I off the hook this week, quoting Sylvia Plath in my blog, if that is not a desperate cry for help...but I'm much better now. I just had to find the goth-chick-angst knob in my head and turn it down some. It was on 11. Well, the basement floor is starting to dry out and I am looking forward to pleasanter things. For example, got two haflas coming up (I may have mentioned this already. Nov. 8 at the Quiet Storm Coffeehouse, and Dec. 6 at Schoolhouse Yoga. I am excited because I will probably be dancing in both of them. I was also invited to a hafla up in the vicinity of Boston (had such a good time with my new bellydance friends up there--and they want me back!), Nov. 15. I am still debating on whether I can afford it. There's also a workshop with Simon Shaheen (fab Arab violinist) in Dec. in the Detroit area...but I still need a new water heater, and I was hoping for a new TV. I'm wondering if anyone would be willing to contribute to a help-get-me-through-my-divorce fund...

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Yesterday sucked. Last night when I got home from work, there was water on my basement floor. I had to pay someone $99 to light the pilot on the water heater and tell me that I should replace it as soon as I can, to the tune of about $400. Not to mention that it was still 59 degrees in my house because the furnace was out, too. I had a friend come over and help me light the pilot for the furnace--at least I didn't have to pay him--thank goodness for friends. I was up past midnight mopping the floor, and the tank was leaking again this morning when I left for work. So I am not in a good place today, not at all. Especially since I can't stop thinking about the past weekend, and I got no work done yesterday because I was so distracted. So, today sucks too. And, I guess I should get used to these ups and downs because it's going to be like this isn't it?

So some things are catching up with me now since my SO moved out. I've been too distracted by work and travel to deal with it, but it's crashing down on me now. I came home to an empty house, an empty refrigerator, a cold bed... and I initiated it all. I brought it on myself. I made the decision that I would rather be alone, and now I get to be miserable. My single friends were telling me, it sucks to be single, and they are right. Do I want to go back? No way. My bridges are burned. Fire walk with me....and now for the recitation of manic poetry (thanks to Sylvia Plath):

Cold on my narrow cot I lie
and in sorrow look
through my window-square of black:

figured in the midnight sky,
a mosaic of stars
diagrams the falling years,

while from the moon, my lover's eye
chills me to death
with radiance of his frozen faith.

Once I wounded him with so
small a thorn
I never thought his flesh would burn

or that the heat within would grow
until he stood
incandescent as a god;

now there is nowhere I can go
to hide from him:
moon and sun reflect his flame.

In the morning all shall be
the same again:
stars pale before the angry dawn;

the gilded cock will turn for me
the rack of time
until the peak of noon has come

and by that glare, my love will see
how I am still
blazing in my golden hell.

Want some more? I just can't get enough of this stuff right now. I'm wallow in it...

Mad Girl's Love Song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

--Sylvia Plath

Monday, October 06, 2003

So I'm back from my travels and I took NO pictures. Sorry. It just means that I was so distracted and having such a good time that I couldn't be bothered with it. And, OH am I feeling the pain now. I had WAY too much fun. If I told you everything, I would have to kill you;-) Firstly, the conference that I was attending in Boston for work went well. I gave two presentations and they were well attended and received. I was very popular. It was a good feeling.

Boston is great. I already told you about the bellydance thing...that alone is enough reason for me to try and get back to Boston again. But, I've got some other reasons, too. You know who you are;-) Friday, went to ManRay as I foretold. It is a really nice club, large with multiple bars and two dance areas. Lots of people, lots of fetishy gear. Despite the warnings that the Boston goth scene is somewhat snobbish, I managed to meet/talk/dance with a few friendly people. If I had a chance to go back, I would try another night to see what the rest of the scene is like. There are also a bunch of other clubs that I would try. And I would definitely go back to the Middle East Club again.

Portland, Maine, was even better. I drove up Saturday and stayed with a friend from Pennsic, who was kind enough to organize a dinner party for me with all his friends and then take me out to his local hangout/club where he and his friends made an extra-special effort to introduce me to people and talk to me. I almost felt like I belonged there. It reminded me of the good 'ol days at the Beehive (R.I.P.--see link at left for the Beehive Refugees page). Of course, by Sunday I was in tears at the thought of leaving. I'm still a bit weepy. But I guess I'll have to get used to it, having friends in other cities far away.

Friday, October 03, 2003

So I was not expecting to find such a thriving bellydance scene here in Boston! I wasn't even looking for it!!! It so happens that one of my colleagues here at the conference is a bellydancer and she took me to the Middle East Restaurant in Cambridge last night where there was a live music ensemble (keyboard, Oud and doumbek)--they were fantastic, and there were two soloist dancers. When the soloists weren't performing, it was open dance--I got to dance with some very hot chics!!! Too bad I did not have my camera this time.

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